Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"I am going to stay calm," I told myself as I squared my shoulders and knocked on Jacob's condo door. 

"And will hear him out before I kick him so hard in the gonads that next time they'll retract at the very sight of me."

My pep talk was cut short as the door opened, and I looked around for someone only to find a small child standing there, looking up at me expectantly. I checked the door number to see if I had the right condo before turning back to the kid.

"Um, is Jacob here?" I asked, confused as to why there was a child in his apartment. The kid nodded and ran off down the hall as I stepped in and closed the door behind me.

The place looked relatively the same - if you didn't count all the toys and clothes strewn across the floor - and I was really starting to wonder just what Jacob had been up to on his trip to Europe. I stepped into the living room and shuffled some clothes off the couch before sitting down.

It looked like a bomb had hit his apartment - which wasn't that unusual - and I felt sorry for his housekeeper who would have to tidy it up.

"Babycakes!" Jacob cooed as he sauntered into the room, wearing only a loose pair of boxers that hung low on his hips. His hair was all over the place, but his eyes held a brightness that could only mean that he was getting laid.

He may have been gay, and I may have been taken, but damn, he sure knew the values of exercising if his six pack was anything to go by.

I stood up and crossed my arms over my chest giving him my best bitch brow. "Don't 'Babycakes' me, Jacob Samuel Black," I said, scowling at him and avoiding his outstretched arms. As much as I would have loved to jump in his arms and just go back to being how it was before he left, I deserved an explanation as to why he had ignored me for over three months.

He sighed and let his arms drop as he pouted. "I guess I deserved that. I'm sorry for not answering your calls and e-mails, but things were really hectic while I was traveling."

I scoffed at his excuse. "Oh, please. Save your bullshit for someone who will believe it. Are you telling me that you couldn't take five minutes out to call me? Do I really mean so little to you, Jake? I needed you, and you weren't there. You're supposed to be my best friend, but I'm seriously thinking of retracting that title."

He actually looked a little hurt at my words and he sat down. "Babycakes, I don't know what you want me to say. I apologized," he said, frowning, and I looked away from him, chewing hard on my bottom lip to stop the tears that were threatening to well up in my eyes.

"I want you to mean it. I want you to explain to me what exactly was so important that you couldn't pick up the phone when I needed you. I want you to tell me why there is a fucking kid in your condo. I want-"

"I got married," he blurted out, interrupting my tirade.

I stared at him like he had three heads, my mind not quite computing what he was saying.

"Come again?" I asked, wondering if I had heard wrong because this was Jacob. He had a new guy every month. He didn't do commitment.

"I met someone while I was over there. His name is Laurent, and, god, he's the best thing that ever happened to me in my life..."

I held up a hand to stop him as I tried to understand what he was telling me. I swallowed heavily as feelings of hurt and anger started to build up inside me. I could barely fathom the fact that he would run off and get married without telling me. There had been not so much as a postcard, and here he was looking all expectantly at me like he thought I would just say "congratulations" and all our problems would be solved.

I hated that he was making my insecurities surface, making me feel like I didn't matter, and I closed my eyes and tried to remember the things that Edward was constantly telling me.

I was a special, unique, beautiful, strong woman who was capable of a lot more than I gave myself credit for.

I released a long breath, feeling myself relax and wishing that my Papi wasn't halfway across the country right now, and that I wasn't sexually frustrated. My punishment for being a brat just before he left was no orgasms. I could touch myself and he could touch me, but no matter how much I begged and pleaded, he wouldn't let me cum.

It was pure torture, and I could feel the tension crawling up my spine just thinking about it. I knew that since Edward wasn't even in the same state as me that I could probably just say fuck it and take out my trusty vibrator, but it just seemed cheap and just wrong to take advantage of the situation like that.

"So, let me get this straight," I said in an eerily calm voice. "You went to Europe, met this Laurent guy, married him, and I'm presuming the kid is his?"

Jacob nodded. "I know it seems fast, but when you know, you know. Benji is a wonderful kid, and I'm sure you'll really like him once you get to know him."

I stared at him incredulously, wondering how he expected me to be okay with this. Yes, it was his life to do with what he pleased, but how could he expect me to just blow off the last three months just because he got married to a guy with a kid.

I choked out bitter laugh. "Oh, this is just...you know what, forget it." I stood up to leave. There was no way I was ready to have this confrontation. Not when he was too busy playing happy family with his new husband and kid.

"I'm happy for you, Jacob, I really am," I told him as I headed for the door. He grasped my arm, pulling me back to him, and I flinched. I had to hold back the instinct to bring him to his knees with a swift kick as he turned me to face him.

"Babycakes, don't leave," he begged, and I shook him off me.

"What do you want from me?" I asked him, unable to stop my voice from rising to a nearly hysterical pitch.

He seemed taken aback by my tone and question. He frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.

"I have nothing left to give, Jacob. I've spent years giving my dignity, my self-esteem, and myself, until I was left with this empty shell of the woman I used to be. I'm trying to rebuild my life. My parents are dead, and you couldn't bring yourself to pick up one of the thousand messages I left on your phone to just see how I was doing, and you know what? I deserve better. It's taken me so long to realize it, but I do. I'm trying so hard to move forward, to try for more, and I really hoped that you could be a part of that, but it seems like you have more important things to focus on."

I took a deep breath and let my shoulders sag. "I really am happy for you, Jake. You deserve to be happy, and so do I. I'm starting over from scratch, and I need to concentrate on building my self-esteem and finding who I am, and I can't do that when I feel like I don't mean shit to you. Maybe we'll do a lunch sometime so I can meet your husband, but please just give me a little space right now."

"Honey..." he murmured, letting his voice trail off."I didn't know about your parents. I know I've been a shit friend, and I'll make it up to you. Name what you want, and I'll give it to you."

I sighed and leaned up to place a kiss on his cheek. I could see that he didn't understand what I was trying to tell him. What I wanted was something that he had to give, not something that I had to ask for.

"I love you, Jacob, and I need you to respect the fact that I need space to wrap my head around everything. I'll call you when I'm ready to talk."

I didn't even wait for him to respond as I exited his condo and left without looking back.

The last week had been anything but easy for me, but I felt like I had come a long way from where I used to be. Edward had been very firm about me really thinking everything through while he was gone, and I had met with Alice for lunch to talk about everything - excluding names - and she had given me the phone number of a friend of hers, Carmen Mendiaz, who was in a Daddy/little girl relationship with her husband, Eleazar.

I had been surprised to see that while she was barely hitting her thirties, her husband was in his mid-fifties. She was his second wife, and they had met over their mutual love for boats on a cruise in the Bahamas.

She had been insightful about so many things, not finding my questions stupid, but encouraging me to be honest. Talking with her, combined with all the research and forums I had looked at on the internet, had put me in a better, much clearer place as to what the relationship we were entering into entailed.

There were no strict rules as to what you could and could not do; you just had to do what worked best for you and you partner. I wasn't into pain or humiliation, and I knew that Edward wasn't either, but the depth of the relationship had surprised me somewhat, and I could see how Alice saw that this kind of relationship suited me.

There were all these little things that excited me and turned me on about this fetish, and I couldn't wait for Edward to get back from D.C. so that I could show him some of the things I had learned.

It was safe to say that I was feeling a lot more confident about what I was doing, and I finished packing up my apartment with a sense of purpose, knowing that I was making the right decision.

I had decided to stay over at Edward's for the night since he would be back the next day, and I needed to make sure that Cynthia - yes, the man had his own housekeeper - hadn't forgotten to come in. I didn't need Mr. Anal Retentive on my case about leaving dirty socks around from when I had stayed there the other night.

Having my own key had major perks that I was obviously taking advantage of. Yoda was enjoying them too since Edward's apartment was newly decked out with what could only describe as a doggy palace. Anything and everything a dog could want was there, and I wasn't embarrassed to admit that I had bought all of it on the credit card that Edward had given me.

I had no desire to overuse the card he gave me on frivolous shopping because I had my own money for that, but I figured that since the dog was a present from him that he wouldn't mind forking out a little for supplies.

Before Edward had left, he had given me two diaries. One was for writing down everything I did in a day, from calorie counts to manicure appointments, and the other was my confessions diary where I would write down all the things I had done wrong and that might merit a punishment.

Then, each night, I was to copy it out and send it to Edward in an email so that he could look it over before he called me.

I was thankful that the time difference was only three hours - his time was ahead of mine - and that he made it a point to call me each night, no matter how late it was. Sure, sometimes we would only talk for five minutes before he passed out, but just hearing his voice soothed the little niggling inside me that said he might not come back.

Edward kept teasing me about the surprise trip he was planning, knowing full well how much I hated being left out of the loop. He hardly gave me a hint as to where we were going, only telling me to pack for warm weather, but I had an inkling that he was taking me to Italy.

He intended for us to leave a few days after he got back, giving him enough time to rest and finish up a few last minute things before we left. My suitcases were filling up quickly, and as much as I was sad to have to leave Yoda behind, I couldn't wait to leave the city.

I had never so much as stepped out of the continental U.S., and from what I had seen on the internet, Italy was a good fourteen to fifteen hour flight.

I was so excited that I had compiled a list - something rather out of character for me - of all the things I needed so that I didn't forget anything important like my camera or tampons. I'm sure Edward would have been proud of my efficiency.

If we went to Italy - I still wasn't one hundred percent sure we were going there – I wondered if he would introduce me to his grandparents. It was a nerve wracking thought, and I hoped that if he did, I would be able to keep it together. I just hoped that they wouldn't look down on me, but from what Edward had told me, they were very accepting people.

I did hope that by the time we got back from our trip, Edward would be willing to reconcile with his parents. I knew that he and his step-father didn't get along, and it was all I could do not to go down to Carlisle Cullen's house and kick his ass for how he made Edward feel, but I didn't think avoiding them completely was the best option.

I had gone that route, and I wished that I had tried at least one more time to work it out with my parents, no matter how demanding and degrading they had been toward me.

I never expected Edward and his family to be close, but I hoped that talking it out, looking at where the problems stemmed from, could help repair the relationship he had, at least with his mother.

She seemed misguided in her efforts to help him, but I hoped that they would be able to work things out because I could see the toll that their separation was having on Edward.

He loved his mother dearly, and I think he was even starting to miss her weekly calls where she would try and set him up with her friends' daughters.

Ultimately, it was Edward's decision as to what he wanted to do concerning his family, and it was my job to stand by his decision, even if I disagreed with it. I just hoped that I could offer him the right comfort and encouragement when the time came for to make it.

But, right now, I just had to focus on getting through the rest of the day without him, and maybe I would pull out something sexy to wear tomorrow for his arrival. The only question I really needed to be asking myself was whether I wanted to wear silk or satin.

...

I stirred slowly, my body stretching as I tried to figure out what had woken me up from my sleep, and while my sleep wasn't exactly peaceful, I had been fully planning on getting my eight hours. I sighed quietly, shifting my legs so that I could untangle them from the sheets. I stretched my arms above my head and yawned, letting my eyes crack open a little to see why my mind was a hive of activity when I had been sleeping moments ago.

I paused as I noticed a slip of light making its way from under the bathroom door, alarm bells ringing as I remembered vividly switching it off before going to bed.

A shadow cast against the light, blocking it briefly as whoever was in there walked past. While I hoped it was Edward, he had said that he would be back tomorrow evening- or according to the time, tonight. I wished vehemently it was him as the light was switched off and the bathroom door open, the stilted light of the room through the thin curtains illuminating his shadow.

"Edward?" I asked hesitantly, grasping the sheets tight in my hands as my heart hammered loudly in my head. Adrenaline rushed through me as I ran through all my self-defense moves, working out the best one to use in my position.

There was no answer, as he moved toward me, the darkness cloaking his figure, and I sucked in a sharp breath as I heard fabric hit the floor.

"Papi?" I called out, trying not to let the fear creeping in enter my voice.

There was still no answer, but a flash of light caught his face as the clanking of his belt resounded through the room, and I sighed in relief at since it was Edward. The sound of his pants hitting the floor cut off my relieved thoughts, and my heart that had started to slow, sped up.

I wondered why he hadn't alerted me to his presence and why he kept silent. I felt almost nervous as he stood by the bed, his body towering over mine as he looked down at me. His eyes seared through me as his muscles coiled like a predator ready to spring. I could smell the familiar scent of his cologne hanging thickly in the air, wrapping around me and drowning me.

He raised a hand slowly, ghosting it down my chest until it met the sheet that I still had clutched in my palms. He tugged on it, and my hands immediately fell away, allowing him to drag it down my body, the cotton brushing against my body.

I could feel his eyes running over my body, causing goosebumps to raise on my skin, and I squirmed under the heat of it, wishing that I had worn something more sexy than just a plain tank top and panties.

My breathing sounded loud and heavy to my own ears as I lay there, looking up at him, wondering what he was doing. He laid a hand on the inside of my bent knee, and my breathing stuttered at the scorching heat that saturated my skin from his touch.

Electricity zipped through the air, buzzing around us as he slowly ran his hand up my thigh, my legs automatically spreading at his light touch. All the hair on my body stood on end as I lay there, completely vulnerable, anticipating his next move. My hips bucked upwards as he pressed his hand to the crotch of my panties, and I whimpered, wetness seeping out of my pussy.

"Pa-" I started but was cut off by his free hand covering my mouth, cutting off any and all sounds. He laid his knee between my parted legs and eased himself onto the bed.

His soft lips drifted along my stomach where my tank top had ridden up, and he gripped the flimsy material in his hands and pulled it up my body. My breathing stuttered, the feel of the cotton against my sensitive nipples causing me to squirm.

I raised my arms, hugging the pillow above my head in a show of submission as he hooked my top of the supple globes of my tits, but didn't remove the offending article.

I shivered as the cool air hit my skin, and my nipples swelled and hardened. My chest heaved up and down with each breath, and his lips traveled up my body until his face rested in the valley between my ripe, round tits. He nuzzled the skin, blowing his hot breath on my skin before taking one of my nipples between his lips.

He ran his tongue over it, swirling and flicking the sensitive skin, almost teasing me as his hair tickled my collarbone.

In the dark with only the sounds of my pants reaching my ears, I felt my senses heightening. Heat churned in my stomach as my wetness dripped and flooded my panties. There was something unbelievably erotic and dirty about what he was doing to me, almost as if he was taking advantage of me.

His mouth switched to the other nipple, and I arched into him, my head lolling back against the pillows.

"Papi," I breathed out as he nipped me gently, and he immediately pulled away. I panicked, trying to grasp onto him, wishing I had kept my mouth shut.

He recovered my mouth with his hand and hissed in my ear, "Not a sound." His voice was so low and rough, so demanding and harsh, that there was nothing I could do but obey him.

He flipped my body with ease, laying me on my stomach before straddling my thighs.

He made a trail of fiery kisses up my spine, his hands rubbing my sides in soothing movements, and I had to bite down on my lip to hold back the noises threatening to escape.

He tugged on my hips, and I scrambled to raise myself up on my knees. I attempted to rest on my elbows, but he pushed my upper half flush into the mattress, a hand pressed into the base of my neck to hold me there.

He used his free hand to ease my panties down my thighs, letting the cool air hit my swollen flesh as he nudged them further apart.

I sucked in a breath as I felt the engorged tip of his cock, rubbing between my lips, teasing me. He pressed against my entrance, pausing for a moment, before he plunged into my body in one smooth thrust. He let out a grunt as he filled my pussy, and I felt my eyes roll back into my head as my walls hugged him, loving the feel of him inside me.

I never wanted him to leave again without at least giving me the satisfaction of getting myself off, but as cruel and as hard my punishment had been, the wait was well worth the way my body responded to him.

There was no build-up to his thrusts; he just started pounding into my body while I lay beneath him, still and unmoving. My juices dripped down my thighs at an alarming rate as I reveled in the way he was using my body.

This wasn't about me, or how I felt and what I needed, this was purely for him. He needed relief and he took it from my body, not needing to ask permission or to think about me as he plowed into me, his forehead resting on my shoulder as he pistoned in and out of me.

I couldn't deny that I didn't love every minute of it, and I closed my eyes and buried my face in the pillows to muffle any noise that escaped.

I gave my body to him willingly, letting him use me in any way he pleased, letting him take without thought of giving back. He needed my submission to wrap invisible ropes around me, holding me down and bending me to his will.

I didn't need him to say it to know that I wasn't to move an inch from the position he had put me in, and my hands trembled as they fisted the sheets on either side of me as I held back the urge to do just what I wasn't allowed to.

His shallow breaths fanned out across my back as he pressed my body deeper into pillows with the force of his thrusts.

No words were exchanged as he continued his fast, hard pace, his hips twisting and angling so he could burrow himself further inside my pussy with each thrust.

My lips parted in a silent scream, the tension building up and spilling over me as I fought to keep my composure. My eyes slammed shut, scrunching up tightly as I quivered around him. My clit throbbed and ached for him as he started nipping at the edge of my shoulder, the sharp pinches of pain shooting through my body and raising my arousal.

I know some people would find it weird to like being used by another human being, but when you trusted someone fully, you ultimately put your body in their hands to do with what they wish, and if they chose to use your body solely for their pleasure...who were you to argue?

To a certain extent, I enjoyed feeling small and useless underneath him as he pressed his broad chest against my delicate spine, each movement constantly reminding me who was in control here. The fact that he needed me so badly that he couldn't bring himself to think about, to care about, me or how I felt turned me on.

Every woman wanted to know that she was needed, to have someone lose complete control with her. Someone to be rough and callous with her, to bruise and mark her, to ruin her until her body was only fit for her lover.

Having someone able to manipulate and mold your body until you begged for things that never even registered in your mind before he gave them to you was the ultimate fantasy.

Any man could fuck you but only few men could have you so wrapped around their cock that you couldn't think straight, that you would do just about anything to have it.

Being used didn't make me feel insignificant or like I didn't matter; it made me excited and invigorated.

He yanked my thighs further apart, his hands digging into me, his nails sinking into the soft, round flesh of my hips.

His mouth continued hunting over my body, sucking and biting my skin, leaving bruises behind. I could feel him swelling and expanding inside me as he neared his orgasm, and I willed my body to reach the edge.

His thrusts became more erratic as he grunted and snarled against my skin, his hands tugging and grasping at my skin almost as if he couldn't get enough of me.

He pressed more of his weight on me, making his slick chest rub against my back as he took my body. I let out a pitiful noise of pain as he sank his teeth into my shoulder, almost hard enough to break the skin.

"Do not cum," he hissed as my thighs quivered and the walls of my pussy spasmed around him. Tears welled up in my eyes as he slid a hand under my neck and grasped my throat, squeezing and choking me with it.

My lips parted as I gasped for air, my body shaking and sweating. My hair fell in my eyes, obstructing my view as he gave one last powerful thrust and emptied himself inside me.

He roared in ecstasy, his body shuddering as every ounce of tension was sucked from his body and emptied into mine.

I bit down on my lip to the point of bleeding as I forced myself not to follow, to not let my walls clench down on him as I let myself go. His hand wrapped around my throat kept me in control, helped me grasp onto the last strands of my resolve.

I knew there would be marks in the morning, but I couldn't bring myself to care as I focused on the small wheezing breaths that I managed to inhale. It physically hurt to hold back my orgasm, and I let out a choked cry as I lay hopelessly under him.

His hand relaxed around my throat as he came back down, and I almost sobbed as my clit throbbed and my stomach burned in want, in need.

He slowly pulled out of me, all the while whispering praises in my ear, thanking me for letting him use my body, telling me just how pleased he was with me. His words soothed the throbbing ache inside me slightly, and I curled up against his chest as he lay on his side of the bed, resting on his back.

"Welcome home," I finally murmured, and he hummed sleepily.

"Good to be back."

I squirmed against him, my thighs rubbing together as I fruitlessly tried to lessen the ache burning inside me.

"Papi," I whimpered, wiggling around to try and get comfy, which was almost impossible. "Can I cum yet?"

He placed a kiss on top of head. "Not tonight, Little One, maybe tomorrow."

I had to bite down on my tongue to stop the words of protest rising. I finally let out a long, shuddering breath and tried not think about my uncomfortable state, promising myself to never be bratty again.

But, even in my discomfort, I knew that it was an empty promise.